The Diary of a Rugmaker

My dear diary I can't believe 

it has been a year  since I last posted. 

 It seems as I grow older, 

weeks become days and I am going through life like

 the 'little old lady from Pasadena

 at break neck speed. 

 'Go Grannie, Go Grannie, Go Grannie Go'

It seems my dear diary I have gotten myself 

in a 'right ole mess' the last year and

 I am fine with making mistakes 'if' 

I learn from them but if not, then 

I lay the blame on me and deservingly so.

 I should have known better,

 I should have recognized the signs and 

as I will refer to them..'the trap'.

I truly believe to some of us, wool is an addiction.

 From the time we start our first wool project,

 we are 'hooked'.  

It then becomes a sequence of events very similar to us all. 

 The difference becomes how far we take the addiction. 

Many stay in a 'slightly addicted' state and

 feed on just doing rug after rug, project after project, 

with a few other types of 'needle pleasures' 

to quietly replace the hours of relaxation 

from work and family and of course retirement.

 Others, like myself and many of you,

 have the 'need' to go further and before long 

it progresses to a 'full blown addiction',  

We are not satisfied with just buying and stitching,

 we crave more, we never have enough and

 we then fall into 'the hoarding trap'. 

We need wool.. lots and lots of wool and

 as much as we find, it is never enough. 

We shop the thrift stores as we shop for groceries,

 every week, every day as you never know 

when that perfect piece of wool is going to arrive. 

We now buy wool by the bolt instead of the yard

 and then we dye. 

We learn and perfect the methods, 

buy the equipment and 

of course books upon books and 

class upon class to feed our need.

 We are not satisfied with the designs of others and we begin the creative design journey (my favourite of 'the traps'). And we hook and hook and stitch and stitch until we have more rugs than we can use or give away and so it now starts.

 The major addiction trap of ...we sell our wares to feed our need for more wool, more dyes, more classes and camps..more, more, more...

 For many of us it stays at that harmless level of selling a few finished pieces but for some of us even that is not enough.  It happens so innocently,

 just a few friends 'gushing' over your designs

 and then comes the question..'

Do you sell patterns?'

 'I would love to buy a kit'.  

We ask ourselves..why not? 

 Yes I can sell patterns and kits, after all I have all of that wool hoarded just waiting for the dye pot and away we go...not many just a few patterns and kits for those friends...and then you discover it is much easier to sell the patterns and kits than the finished rugs...and you dye more wool and create more designs because....it feeds 'the need' for more wool, more supplies, that fancy frame and the special iron not to mention the absolute must of the special light well everyone has those and you now have the funds to buy all of those 'must have' gadgets and so now we are faced with yet another 'trap'.  

 Our buying friends become 'not enough'. 

We now venture in to the show circuits and the internet.

More orders and more buyers 'gushing' over our designs and we now have perfected the art of dyeing and they absolutely love our wool and buy it.

 Somewhere between making those few patterns and kits for our friends and now exhibiting at shows and well everyone needs a website these days, life changes and it happens so slowly because we are doing what we love, aren't we?  

We don't realize or even notice the small day to day changes that become month after month and we fall head first into the worst of all the 'traps'.  

Gradually our life changes and it happens so slowly. 

The times in our days of relaxing with our wool, the pleasure and meditative state of the repetition of the stitch or the hook gets less and less because we now make patterns and dye wool in such large quantities 

to make our kits, and then it is the packing and shipping,

 and of course the internet with 

the 'dings' throughout the day, posting on groups and 

between the cutting, packing, dyeing, shipping 

well we need to work on that new design.  

More orders, more sales, more wool hoarding

 but it is no more a daily event to scrounge those stores, unless 

we can spare a few minutes after

 going to the post with your packages. 

 

We now find that the coffee chat with friends and

 don't even think about making a new recipe 

for supper and mixing up a few biscuits from scratch.

Our day to day life has become repetitive tasks, 

deadlines and if we do find time for the coffee chat or

 spending time with family, 

those tasks and deadlines are always 

looming in the back of our mind. 

 Even the creative process is dampened by

 'must do'..no longer do we feel that 

wonderful satisfaction of creating because it is now forced.

New designs for new patterns and kits and new rugs

 for shows we are never ready for and 

so it has begun.

We have taken our love of wool, our joy of

 creating and designing, the fun part of wool

 coming out of the dye pot in the most 

wonderful shades and colour patterns to

 'The Business Trap'.  

Between those first few patterns and kits for friends 

and we really had only wanted the money to

 feed our addiction, you now have a full time business. 

We have shows booked, inventory and more work 

in a 24 hour day than an employee of 'one' can accomplish. 

Stress becomes a daily enemy and it isn't that we are 

making money now to buy those frivolous needs,

it all goes back to keeping a business going that

 we really didn't want.  

There are many wool addicts that love the challenge and 

where would we be without those wonderful designers. 

They enjoy the business part as well as the wool addiction 

BUT...they realize when it becomes a business 

not of 'one' but it's time to hire help, be it family, friends or 

as in a regular business 'the help wanted ads'.  

I don't want a business,

I want to share my hobby, 

my love of wool and design. 

 I don't want days and weeks of production work 

consisting of dyeing, cutting, counting and

 whatever else is needed to make my kits. 

 

I want to design, I want to stitch. 

 I don't want to feed my addiction,

 I want to feed my soul. 

I want the thrill and challenge 

of looking at an antique rug and 

reproducing it as close as possible to the original.

 I want to create designs from my own thoughts and stories.  

I want to stop hoarding and 

know what it feels like to be 

organized in my own little space.

I so easily slipped into 'the trap'.

 I should have known better.

It happened a year ago with the 

teaching class and rug on our Facebook group 

The Ladies and Gents of the Wool Circle Club'. 

 It was my fourth online class and the others gave me 

no problems and honestly a lot of fun and good times.  

The kit became the trap for me.  

I stopped counting at 125 kits sold last summer and 

since have brought back and sold many more. 

 My absolute last 7 kits are shipped this week and no more.  

I also fell into the trap of not being able to say a firm 'NO'.  

We now have over 2000 members and for most, 

my old designs are new and 

requests came in to bring back kits. 

 I should have said NO.. 

but I brought many back in quantity.

When I am finished with a design, 

they hold no thrill or satisfaction, 

just what seems to be a continuous production line of

 dyeing, cutting, counting and packing.

It takes only a few mistakes, 

a few unforeseen health issues 

and the orders are late shipping. 

It isn't late by a dozen anymore as in the past, 

my limit for one design was at the most 12 kits at a time..

it has now become something beyond my control and 

at that point it was time to have hired help. 

 Still I struggled on and more times 

I did not say NO.. more back orders.

My last design was The David's Star Kit and 

the trim for those are being shipped this week.

  

Stress and guilt became my daily enemies because as long as

 I would work, and many 12 hour days, it seemed

 I could not get orders out in a reasonable length of time. 

 The David's Star was the last time I stitched a rug.. 

I have not stitched nor designed since last September.

 Guilt sent most  customers free wool 

and kits along with orders,

 I have 42 of the Maw and Paw kits to send 

free to my very patient customers 

who have stuck with me through this ordeal. 

 It seems a never ending cycle as those 42 kits 

take my time, the freebies take my time

 as do the late purchased orders they go in. 

Not only do the freebies take my time, 

it makes other orders late and so the cycle continues.

I'd rather be stitching. 

 I am doing more than 'one'.

It is time to make changes,

 it is time to find the help 

to have no orders on the books. 

 It is time to let go of the 

vintage linens, quilts and much of the wool

 I have hoarded for over 20 years. 

It is time to understand I have so many beautiful things 

I will never use and it is time to 

'take time for me' 

and be pro-active with my health issues. 

 It is time to stitch and design.

I absolutely blame myself for this mess as it  

happened with my first love.. quilting. 

 I so innocently started with the intention of just

 selling and stitching to finish our first home. 

 Lucas was only 2 years of age, 

I chose to have a business and when 

Lucas was 4 years of age, 

mommy and daddy had

 6 full time employees, 

3 retail shops 

and over 50 home-sewers plus 

the retail and wholesale show circuits. 

  It was then I developed environmental allergies 

that took me on a 10 year journey of healing. 

 I can't help but see the similarity to my life 

stressed with wool and my heath issues I have today.

I believe there comes a time when if 

you don't do what is needed, 

your body will make that happen.

I continue to struggle with the computer, 

with emails and messages. 

 As Avery says 'Nannie you are so Old School!'  

I will not use those phones and tablets 

that ding every five minutes 

nor will I ever type with my thumbs.  

I am not afraid to be different and take my own path...

I am just 'me' please take me as I am

I'm not going to change but how I live my life 

must change.

I will find a way to design and stitch my rugs, 

to share in a way that works for my life, 

be it connecting with social media and friend

or sharing a few kits (only  a few).

I will give in for the summer and

hire the help when needed to

have no orders outstanding and

to sell most of my 20 year stash of

wool and linens.

I want to go in to a room and see my

treasures I choose to keep rather than

sort through boxes and wonder where 

I put that army blanket.

The photos I have shown in this post

are my rugs from the past and except

for the orders now shipping, they are no more.

Retired and never to again kit up.

Until my health improves I may

be off and on the computer and our group.

It is just how it has to be until answers are found.

It's time to wake up in the morning and look

forward to the day, spending time with my Avery,

Stitching every day is something I so miss.

Avery has designed a little mat for his teacher.

It will be my first rug stitched since September.

I am so very close to all orders shipped but 

I've said that before and due to one problem 

or another they are still here.

I know help is needed and so it shall happen.

Thank you everyone and although these orders 

are taking so long they are the last

of any retired kit or pattern wool pack and

the last of orders shipped late.

Anything I sell will not be listed until

it is ready to go in the mailer and print postage.

Never say never but truly this is it...

the stress is ruining my life and my family.

Please bear with me, my customers for another 

couple weeks, I have a lady coming to help

with these back orders and then we will

tackle the 'wool hoarders paradise'.

It is to new and better designs and

oh I am so going to love being 

just a bit organized and happy once again

with my wool addiction.

Happy Stitching!

cee